Does your child cry or throw tantrums during drop-offs? Do they complain of a tummy ache when you pull into the daycare parking lot? Or cling to you when you’re trying to leave? If you’ve ever experienced any of these situations, you are not alone. It’s hard as a parent to watch your child cry or become distressed when they’re separated from you, but separation anxiety is a normal part of childhood development and can become a positive step toward greater independence and confidence.
What is Separation Anxiety?
According to the Mayo Clinic, separation anxiety is when young children become anxious or distressed when they have to separate from their parents or main caregivers. Billie S. Schwartz, PHD, a CHOP Psychologist, stated, “It’s a very important developmental milestone and completely healthy. They’ve formed an attachment to you and miss you.”
Separation anxiety is most common between 8 and 18 months and tends to ease significantly by age 2 to 3. True Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is less common and affects about 4% of children. If you think your child has persistent symptoms, such as excess ‘clinginess’ (even at home), constant fear of something bad happening, excessive distress when separated, you should talk to your pediatrician.
Our teachers have a lot of experience with this, and we understand where it comes from. Your child is used to spending all their time with you at home, and now they need to adjust to a new environment, new caregivers, and a different daily rhythm. You’re their safe base, and the adjustment can be overwhelming for them. We’re here to help make the transition easier for both you and your child.
Practical Ways Parents Can Help
If your child is experiencing separation anxiety, there are proven practices that you can adopt to help your child know when to expect the separation, become comfortable with their new surroundings, and help make the transition easier for everyone.
1. Create a Consistent Goodbye Routine
Children thrive on routines and predictability; having a goodbye routine that signals to them that it’s time for you to leave can help them adjust to the new surroundings and caregivers. You can do this in several different ways, but one good way is to make each day that they are going to daycare or preschool the same routine. Your routine could include reading a special book before leaving the house or a special handshake during drop-off. Going back for one more kiss or hug could make the separation harder for everyone.
2. Practice Short Separations at Home
The best way to get your child used to the idea of being separated from you is to introduce it before they start preschool or daycare. It can start small by stepping into a different room while they’re playing for a couple of minutes. You can gradually build up to short visits with trusted family members or a babysitter. Helping your child get used to the idea that it’s okay if you leave for a little while, and that you’ll always come back, will help them transition more easily.
3. Validate Their Feelings Without Over-Focusing
Ignoring your child’s feelings of anxiety can cause them to become more distressed and even agitated. Acknowledging how they are feeling will show them that you understand what they’re feeling, and you can. Saying something like, “I know it’s hard to say goodbye. You feel sad, and that’s okay. Your teacher is here for you, and I’ll be back after nap time.” Giving them a time to pinpoint can be helpful by giving them something to look forward to, rather than focusing on you leaving.
4. Stay Positive and Model Confidence
Your child looks to you for guidance on their own emotions. If you seem nervous or anxious about leaving, they’ll pick up on that. Speak excitedly about daycare and preschool, so they’re excited, too! Mention the fun things they’ll get to do, like seeing their favorite teacher or playing with new toys and friends. Try to avoid saying things like “Don’t cry!” or “I’m going to miss you so much!” because it can accidentally make them feel even more anxious.
5. Trust Our Teachers and the Process
Separation anxiety can be tough for most parents, but what you don’t typically get to see is that just a few minutes after you’ve left, our teachers were able to help your child calm down and quickly engage them in an activity. Many of our teachers have years of experience in the classroom and have worked with separation anxiety before.
Some Extra Tips
- Bring your child to visit the center before their start date so they can meet their teacher and their future friends!
- Think about giving your child something they can keep in their cubby from home (a picture, a small stuffed animal, or a hand-written note from you).
- Keep the morning routine as consistent as possible.
- Be kind to yourself. Many parents feel guilty or emotional during this developmental stage. Just remember that it’s completely natural and normal for children to go through!
Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up, and with patience, consistency, and support, it does get easier. At Learning Tree Academy, our teachers work closely with families to help children feel safe, comfortable, and confident in their new environment. If you’d like to learn more about our classrooms or enrollment options, give us a call today to learn more about our programs or schedule a tour!